The Art of the Virtual Coffee
I am a huge fan of learning from others and reaching out to folks that know things that I don’t. I am not only talking about professional development but personal development as well. I have done this for years with people older than me, younger than me, senior to me or junior to me — I am a believer that you can learn something from everyone.
One of my favourite ways to get to know someone is to have an informal coffee chat. I love to take someone out for a coffee (at their favourite place!) and pick their brain about something they love talking about. Seems easy? Sure, but there is an art to making it a long-lasting connection.
Dale Carnegie, in his super influential book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’, has many principles on how to make impactful connections with just about anyone. One of his principles is “talk in terms of the other person’s interests”, and though this book was written long ago, this still holds true today. The best way to learn from others is to engage them in their interests and take the leap to learn something new.
In our current landscape, it looks like a virtual coffee is the best way to do this. Today, I want to talk about how to use these coffee chats online to make lasting impressions and build your network for life.
Set up your environment
Like all of your virtual meetings these days, making sure your environment is reflective of the vibe you want to give out is crucial to these conversations. I’m the Queen of a messy room, but I know that the impression I give is crucial to the long-lasting nature of a relationship. Some small tips to set your environment up for success:
Cleaning up your background for a video chat is vital, but luckily some of the tools have a background blurring feature so all someone can see is your body. Don’t rely on this though, and take this opportunity to make your space feel clean and ready!
Downloading the platform in advance, perhaps doing a test run and making sure it works on your computer.
Ensuring you are on time for your call, even 10 minutes early. If this is someone you really respect and want to learn from, then you want to make sure you aren’t wasting their time (but also don’t call them early, unless they ask you to!).
Read something small talk worthy
The initial few moments of a video chat are always kind of awkward, even when it is a loved one. It is the first few moments where there would be a handshake, perhaps a compliment or an awkward comment about something in the location.
“Oh, the coffee here is really good. Have you had it?”
This seems to be a bit lost on a virtual coffee, as you don’t typically want to comment on someone’s appearance. I like to come armed with a number of topics that I can transition into talking about that aren’t too heavy, but can lead to an insightful conversation:
Talking about something you know they are interested in, such as a hobby — sports team, book, movie, etc.
Comment on something involving their area of living.
Read an insightful article beforehand that you can reference as an important topic (again, nothing heavy or too controversial). Check out theSkimm if you are looking for something quick!
Do your research
If you are asking someone out for a virtual coffee, it is usually connected to a topic they are passionate about or an expert in (sometimes people are just cool to connect with too!). Come to the conversation knowing a lot about the topic and/or the person you are connecting with, but not in a creepy way.
Check their LinkedIn, read anything that they may have published, do some scanning on the internet about the topic and be well informed. Come with topics to connect about, things to say, but also big ears to listen to the great information being shared.
Be prepared to guide
If you initiated the conversation, the onus is on you to be leading the discussion. I have had folks reach out to me to talk about programs I have designed and have been silent on the other end. This is infuriating! You want to make sure you are guiding the conversation the best way you can, without overwhelming the person you are meeting with.
Come with some prompt questions that came from your research, and ensure they are open-ended questions that provide the person on the other end the opportunity to give lots of insight. Don’t forget to tell them why you invited them for coffee, what you may admire about them or their work and really show your passion for their work. This will help them answer questions that benefit you and focus their efforts.
There will also be folks who will guide the conversation for you and take the reigns. That is awesome, but don’t expect it.
The follow-up
If this is someone you really admire, it is likely that you want this to be a long-lasting relationship and someone you are connected to for quite some time. You might even want to lean on this person in some way or engage in a mentorship relationship in some way! Awesome, and most people are usually interested in engaging in this way, but the follow-up and upkeep of this relationship is crucial. Some ways you can do this:
After a few days, send an email saying thank you and highlighting some of the key learnings you gained from the conversation.
Send a LinkedIn request, if you are not already connected!
Keep your eyes on the topic at hand, and if anything you come across reminds you of them, send them an email with the item you came across.
I love a coffee chat and I have found these chats foundational to my professional network. Some of these coffee chats have turned into friendships, business partnerships, and long-term mentors. Good luck, and happy sipping!
