Growing Past My Uncomfortable Relationship with Money
The topic of money is cringe-worthy, especially for women. We are taught from an early age that we should not talk about it, ask about it, or even seek it.
It is rude, or is it?
I grew up similarly. I had no idea how much money my parents made, how much a living wage was, or how much my work was worth. I took my first job out of University and never even thought about negotiating a salary. You could ask someone for more money, you say? This was wild to me and not something I had tried until years later.
I was paid quite fairly and did work that fueled my soul, so money did not seem like a concern as a debt-free 22-year-old, but what if my situation was different?
Recently, I have started my side-hustle, and the most challenging part of launching was determining the price and worth of my services. As a Personal Development Strategist, I am selling a meaningful personal development experience that is highly personalized and driven by me.
How on earth do I set a value on my time, my worth, and my offerings?
We hear more and more about the gender wage gap and the genuine impact it has been having on women across organizations and spanning industries. Forbes, Global News Canada, academic studies, and countless other sources have made it extremely clear that women are being paid less than men, even when they ask.
This is unacceptable, and these very real facts are what inspired me to change how I saw money entirely as a woman.
Here are some of the things I did to start to work through this life long concern.
Find friends that it is okay to talk about money with.
I never talked about money or knew anything about what was appropriate to be paid, etc., until I found a friend who talked about money very openly. She became a key person and confidante that I could go to as I was looking for new jobs, negotiating offers, and even buying my house.
Her friendship helped me destigmatize money and the taboo space it held in my life. I became more comfortable asking questions about money, recognizing my worth with my many side hustles (more on this another time), and leaning into a healthy space with money.
Recognize that wanting money is okay.
This seems obvious, but I was raised to believe asking for money was not okay. This has made for many situations in my life where I did not know my worth, what to ask for, and was happy to do things for exposure or experience.
Are there times where that is okay and the truth? Yes, but the majority of the time, we work for money, and often money contributes to other goals we may have. That is fine and completely normal.
I used to feel stupid dreaming of living abroad for a month a year with my family or having a house with a giant sunroom where I could read. I felt silly vocalizing these because without me making significant money, these dreams might not be a reality. I recognized that I needed to put these ideas and dreams out in the universe and needed to call for this money or those experiences that would provide this type of money.
It is okay to want money to live a life you do not have. In fact, it is necessary so that we can all continue to dream and not see money as a limitation, but an aid to what we are hoping to accomplish.
Change your mindset about money.
I have worked with several business coaches and participated in many courses about money manifestation and navigating issues regarding wealth. One of the coaches I worked with asked me,
“Do you believe you deserve wealth?”
I had never given any thought to this. I was not starting my business to be rich, but starting it out of passion. Would an extra 20k a year be nice for my husband and me to go to Bali or do a home renovation? Sure, but I was motivated by my passion for making a difference.
Through chatting with this coach and reading You Are a Badass at Making Money by Jen Sincero, I started reframing the way I thought about money. Money was not this bad thing I could not have or that it represented evil, it was a necessity in life, and I was worthy of it. This helped me lean into my pricing structure and recognize I was worthy of making the money I felt that I deserved.
I understand where you might be coming from if you were like me and money seemed like an off the table topic. For years, I was there, and I let that dictate my own philosophies around money, opportunities I should pursue, and even thoughts I had of others who did not seem as scared to discuss.
I am encouraging all of us to ask ourselves, as women, why money is so scary for us and what power does money hold over us. Take a moment and journal your reflections about money, ask a trusted friend, or someone you might consider a ‘money mentor’ for insights and work towards changing your mindset on money.
This post was edited using my favourite resource Grammarly!
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