5 conflict management tips for working next to a loved one
We are in unchartered territory, folks! Individuals who thought they would never work at home are now trying to figure out how to fit their profession into their living room. Me included — working in a student facing function at a University, I never thought I’d be working off of my side-hustle MacBook. Not only this, I never thought I’d have my husband working next to me with less space than a cubicle.
When working with anyone that closely (even your favourite person on earth), there is bound to be some conflict and misaligned expectations. And misaligned expectations are usually the core of conflict… so it is kind of just a cycle.
How will you make this work? I chatted with some folks I know who do this on the regular, as well as leaned into my own conflict management expertise, to answer this question. If you are on Instagram, you are seeing public cries from folks around their roommate’s loud music, moldy coffee cups and less than ideal chewing habits. As a personal development coach, working spaces are not my domain, but helping a client solve a conflict and work towards living in harmony is.
If you are sharing a computer as well, God help you.
#1: Start with ‘Ground Rules’
This may seem hokey but in my lines of work, almost every conflict I have ever seen has started with misaligned expectations. You get to that moment where you are yelling at someone, seeing red and imagining packing your belongings, when you realize that you are not talking about the same thing at all.
Starting your time together (or start now!), take a seat and ask some of these questions to ensure you are on the same page of what you need from one another:
What do you need from a workspace?
What is important to you, in terms of all five of the senses? Hear, Sight, Smell, Touch and Taste — the last one is more for the 2pm snacks.
What is the best way for me to tell you when something isn’t working for me?
Again, seems hokey, but it works!
#2: Set up your space
In your ground rules, space should be something that is considered by looking at your home fully and thinking about different ways you can utilize space based on your styles.
For example, maybe you don’t work well with a TV in the background or you can work in bed. This likely won’t be the same for both of you, so be creative with your spaces and make the best of them! Discuss what this looks like for you both and what is needed from the day. Some examples of creative ways to use your space:
Turn your kitchen counter into a standing desk. Put your earphones in, find some counter space (preferably near the coffee machine) and use it as an opportunity for some passive activity.
Make your bed and sit on top of the covers to do some work that does not require a ton of concentration. Watching a webinar? Reading an article? Perfect opportunity!
Got a non-video phone call? Sit on your porch or take a walk. Especially in these times, folks are understanding that sunshine is important.
#3: Create some work/life boundaries
We often hear and talk about work/life balance or integration, and how we can successfully ‘work to live’ not ‘live to work’. This is not as simple when your home has become your workplace, and it is easy to slip into working all of the time or at the very least, talking about it all the time.
Blogger Maria Oliver shares that it is crucial for you to set boundaries with your stay-at-home buddy around talking about work. As a frequent work from home worker, she encourages folks to schedule lunch with their work from home buddy to have a welcomed distraction. After work, it is important to say something like “we’re home from work now!” and encourage each other to set a ritual to signify the end of the workday. Some of these could be:
Lighting your favourite candle at 5pm to represent chill time.
Scheduling a work-out for the end of the day to hold each other accountable to completing.
Watching your favourite show at 6pm and it is starting with or without you!
#4: Be flexible with your methods
When working in the office, it seems easier to manage your time and be productive, but when working from home, there is a significant increase in distractions (mainly, your duvet).
It is important to recognize that your schedule will look different and your home life will bleed into your work life, especially if you have a family. James Prunean, a 9–5er who also engages in freelance work (and was my bomb wedding photographer!), reminds us to give ourselves grace as these come up and recognize employers are being more flexible.
Being flexible also allows you to work with your work from home buddy to accommodate their schedules and give each other solo work time. If it works better for your family life and promotes balance for you, there are many options for you:
Waking up before the world to get a start on your day — just make sure to communicate that with your colleagues that this is not an expectation of them.
Working with your employer to flex your hours or have some evening hours to free up some of your day time.
#5: Attitude is everything
Although these are horrible circumstances, many of us have the privilege of being home with our spouses, close friends or family members in this time to keep ourselves safe.
Ashley Webber of Bonne Media reminds us,
We’ve set up a little office area, we laugh together, have dance breaks between meetings, make lunch for one another and ultimately having the attitude that we GET TO work together in this season. The minute you have a “HAVE TO” obligatory mindset, that’s a recipe for negativity…Wake up with a forgiving spirit, that you’re already ready to forgive something that may bother or irritate you, and look for the moments to have a little laugh!
What an opportunity we have here with our loved ones and to grow in our styles. Even for myself, this week at home with my husband has meant countless Uno games, episodes of That 70’s Show at lunch, after work walks and shared favourite songs. Choosing to focus on this can be tough when he is online gaming when I am trying to concentrate, but I am feeling blessed to be together in this space at this time. I hope you can cultivate the same.
And if not, there is always this option.
